Should Children Remain Together After an Uncontested Divorce?

Child Custody in A Divorce

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One of the most important considerations in a divorce is how to protect your children and yourself from financial and emotional ruin during your divorce. Children have their general sibling rivalries and conflicts with each other, but you will find that in tough times they often come together and depend on one another. That leads to the question of siblings being together when a couple gets divorced even in an uncontested divorce . However, sometimes it isn’t that simple though, for instance when one or more of the children doesn’t biologically belong to both parents.

Many couples will agree to have the siblings all remain together especially in a no contest divorce. It makes things less complex for everyone if that is the case. When all of the children are together they spend most of their time with the parent who has custody and then go to the other parent at their agreed upon time together as a unit. This means that even though they are facing many changes going from one household to another, they get the benefit of having the company of each other to lean on. Many children come from a divorced family units will tell you how important being together was in helping them get through the divorce.

Sibling Interaction

The interaction between siblings that they exhibit in each other’s life a fascinating study. The common difficulties of divorce often bring them closer together and even after they are grown up many of them remain very close. The world is a scary place for children even without divorce, but during a divorce (even an uncontested one), they can turn to and support each other. In the mind of a child, no one else could possibly know what they are feeling and going through except for their brothers or sisters so it is possibly the only way to be able to talk to someone about the events that are happening around them.

Splitting the Children

There are times however when divorcing parents make the choice to split up the siblings. It may be that they allow their older children choose which parent they want to live with. This can be especially hard for parents often resulting in a Solomon type decision that results in their wanting the children to be where they are going to be the happiest. It is the unselfish parents who are able to put the best welfare and put their own problems and desires second.

It is important to make sure you do not exert undue influence on your child’s decision as to who they will be going to live with. The children that are old enough to make this decision should know that their decision is not carved in stone and they are able to change their mind later on down the road if they feel they need to. The most important aspect of the decision to separate children is to maintain a healthy, positive and supportive relationship with your child. They also need to know and be assured that contact with their siblings who aren’t living with them will be possible and encouraged.

Schools and Separation

A child’s education is extremely important so the decision about which child stays with which parent may be dictated which schools the children go to.
If one divorcing parent has to relocate to a new area they may want their school aged children to stay with the other parent where their children are currently in school. In the case of older children they may only have a year or two left of high school before they graduate. At the minimum the divorce agreement as to where the children live should take into consideration the school year when other plans can be made.

Financial Consideration of Divorces

Finances and location must be taken into consideration as well. One parent may want all of their children with them but have only the financial capability to rent only a two bedroom apartment. In the case where there are a number of children that will not work out very well. Or in some cases a one of the divorced parents may need to stay with a friend or family member immediately after the divorce and so there really is no room for all the children. Until each parent can afford to get a bigger place that can handle multiple children, it may be necessary to split up the siblings between the children.

Young Children And Divorce


 

It may be necessary for very young children to remain with their mother for a number of reasons. An infant may be nursing or the father may not be able financially or time wise to provide the adequate childcare necessary. Whereas older children may be allowed to fly on their own back and forth between parents if the separation is distant, younger children can not safely do so by themselves therefore it would be necessary that they remain in one place with one parent until they are old enough to travel on their own.

Another issue has to do with divorce and children with special needs. They may require additional specialized care and medical supplies that are too difficult to duplicate or expensive to have in both parental locations. The result may be that one parent becomes fully responsible for that particular special needs child. The child custody in that case depends on the financial abilities of the parents as well as the severity of the medical problems that the special needs child has.The decisions that are necessary to keep siblings together after a divorce is one that each family will have to evaluate even in an uncontested divorce.

Regardless of the decisions of the parents, all of the children need to know that the divorce wasn’t their fault. All of the children also need to have the unconditional love and encouragement of both parents. The need to forge a solid relationship with each of the children is important to the overall well being of both the children and the parents.

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